One Month In

This post is a little delayed, considering Ada's six weeks now, but really it's highly appropriate because EVERYTHING is delayed with life as a newborn. Everything you can think of (eating, showering, sleeping) goes out of the window in place of 1-2 hourly feeds, changing lots of nappies and cleaning up puke. The first couple of weeks were probably the most testing of my life, but my goodness is it worth it. We've settled into a bit more of a routine now, so whilst I might not have learnt much, there are a few things I've discovered along the way.

You can forget ever again about having a hot cup of tea. I think my record of microwaving one cup was four times. You'll never know how much you need hand cream until you're a mother; all the washing up and washing clothes has turned my hands into an old ladies already. You'll turn into a nappy changing pro; the first time I ever changed a nappy I put it on backwards, now I can change one within twenty seconds without removing tights or booties. Despite sleeping for 10 hours a night before pregnancy, you'll quickly learn to survive on as little as three or four hours. 

You'll go through every single emotion in a day. You'll start off happy but can quickly feel overcome with stress and frustration when you have a fussy baby and absolutely no clue as to what the matter is. Most of the time there isn't one, they probably just want a cuddle; being a baby is hard in this new and scary world. You'll find yourself resenting your partner for the strangest of things, like being able to spend longer than ten seconds on the loo. You'll get used to the smell of baby sick on your clothes, and you'll stop minding that as soon as you change they'll spit up on your shoulder. If you're breastfeeding, you'll miss coffee like no other.

Reading back over this I've probably painted a pretty negative view of motherhood, but overall, you'll wonder how you managed without this little bundle of joy in your life. You won't mind waking up in the middle of the night to feed, because their face is just so peaceful. You won't mind spending so long soothing her to sleep, because you're making your baby happy, and you might just get a quick flash of a smile in return. You'll cherish spending all day on the sofa doing absolutely nothing because they'll never be this tiny again, and you should make the most of it. 

Ada is six weeks old now and the time has gone quickly, but at the same time I feel as though she's been here forever. I love staring into her eyes when she's nursing, and how sometimes she'll stop half way through to give me a big smile. I love her little fingers and how they grip onto different parts of me, I don't even mind the hair pulls. I love how she breaks out a huge smile the minute her daddy walks through the door. I love how she curls up on my chest and falls asleep, even when I'm bursting for a wee but don't want to disturb her. I'm gradually realising I need to slow down a bit and soak in as much as I can each day. Motherhood is hard work but I honestly marvel every single day at this gorgeous little human I created with Kane, and I'm going to make the most of it.

A H&M Home Haul

H&M Home is one of those stores I've never been able to resist. I place an order a few times a year to help update certain areas of the house, and having received a discount through the post, Monday was one of those days. I made doe-eyes at Kane (I had spent all day previously cleaning the house whilst he kipped on the sofa), his debit card exchanged hands, and within fifteen minutes an order was placed. I wanted to have a little bit of change in the conservatory and on the mantelpiece, so I really ordered bits for there. 

I think we should start by discussing these candlesticks; I'm still not over copper, although they are strangely looking more goldy in these photographs. I've got the Metal Candlestick (£7.99) and Small Metal Candlestick (£6.99) which aren't exactly the cheapest of things, but I s'pose it doesn't matter much when it's someone elses money! They look really effective on the mantlepiece too, very minimalist and simplistic.

For the conservatory, I've been after a rug in there for some time but never really found anything I thought would fit. I wanted something quite light and thin, and really just something to cover up the ugly light floorboards that really need replacing. I chose the Patterned Cotton Rug (£19.99) which was such a reasonable price, and is really brightening up the area well. I'm on a mission to add even more plants to my home as well, so I loved the idea of using the Small Cotton Storage Basket (£7.99) as a planter, although it now has a lovely big trailing ivy in, rather than Kane's little bonsai tree.

And of course, it's not a H&M Home order without throwing in some candles I don't really need, this time with these cute 2-Pack Candles (£2.99). I really like adding pops of pink in the midst of all the monochrome and copper. What do you think of my buys?

What's In My Bag: 2016 Edition

Who doesn't love having a root around someone's handbag, we're all such a nosy bunch! For quite some time now my bag of preference has firmly fitted in the 'mini' category, so there wasn't a great deal of point showing you a purse, phone, lipstick and keys, all squeezed into a tiny handbag. I decided at Christmas that a new year needed a new bag, or at least a new to me bag. I had meant to pick up the pink version of this Zara bag last year but it slipped from my mind, and having sold out, I had a little look online and found the bag version for a snip of the price on Ebay. 

Apparently I felt I needed a couple new items to start the new year with, starting with this super swish diary from Kate Spade. I put on Instagram that despite having my own house, car and a baby, there's nothing that makes me feel like I'm properly adulting than a fancy journal. It does make me more organized too, because it's much too expensive to just sit on my desk being unused the whole year round. I also treated myself to a new purse, this one is from ASOS. 

Another lovely start to the week was that my phone was due an upgrade; I was considering straying from the iPhone (for some absurd reason!) but decided to get the Rose Gold iPhone 6s and got a reasonable contract. I absolutely love it; for once the battery power seems to be decent, and the camera is a lot sharper, making for better instagram shots (find me here!) There's all the expected little extras in there too; a Roger & Gallet hand cream, a couple lip products and a mini perfume. Becoming a Mum means there's a couple new bits thrown in too; a muslin cloth is needed on hand at all times, as is some Lanolin, just in case we've had a particularly sore nursing session!

What's in your 2016 bag?

Introducing Ada Grace

Well, a huge 25 days after she made her way into the world, I'm finally managing to find time to formally introduce her and share my birth story. Life with a newborn is tiring but oh so worth it, and I really think I've lucked out on the chilled baby front; A is so easy-going, she only really cries if you wait too long to feed her and gets a little fussy with wind occasionally, but mostly she's happy going with the flow.

She was stubborn until the very end of my pregnancy; I finally went into early labour twelve days after her due date, the evening before I was going in to be induced. My waters started slowly leaking at around 10pm, but as I'd had a bit of a "have they/haven't they?" moment a few days earlier, I was unsure as to whether this really was it. That was, until I started contracting, feeling most of the pain in my back. I spent a good few hours in pain, contracting every ten minutes, until I finally retired to bed at 3.30am, thinking I'd had best get some sleep before the big day ahead of me. I woke up at about 8am, text my Mum and realised, sadly, I'd stopped contracting. 

I was due at the maternity unit at 10am anyway, so we headed in after buying some snacks and immediately was popped in a bed, examined, and had baby's heart rate monitored for thirty minutes. After this, they insert a pessary behind the cervix, with the hope the hormones on the pessary will get to work and kickstart your labour. Sadly both of mine fell out, thanks to my waters getting the occasional gush and a very low cervix. The midwives always want to inspect the maternity pads you have to wear, and worryingly one of mine was covered in green mucus, meaning A had done her first poo, meconium, inside me.

After that, I headed pretty quickly down onto the delivery ward as I'd have to be induced a lot quicker than originally expected. I was popped into a tiny little room, examined, and had a needle in my hand ready for a drip to be inserted, and miraculously, I started contracting again. They seemed like they were coming pretty quickly, and within a couple of hours I was contracting every two minutes. I was just breathing through them for most of it, until I decided to use the gas and air to help take the edge of the pain. One of the downsides of being induced is that you're pretty much confined to a bed, which was horrible when most of the pain was coming through my back, (which is when we discovered A was also back to back) although when I did stand up my contractions slowed down, so it was probably a positive thing. But at this point, I'd still been contracting every two minutes for a couple of hours, and was only 1-2 centimeters dialated.

It was at this point they decided to give me the drip, and everything went into overdrive. Pretty quickly my contractions got a serious amount more painful; again, another downside to being induced is that the drip can make your contractions an awful lot worse than if you were contracting naturally. I tried to keep it together but I found it pretty difficult to cope, so out of the window went my natural birth plan, and into my leg went diamorphine. It. Was. Wonderful. I actually seemed to pass out and sleep for about half an hour, as did Kane!

When I woke back up, everything sped up pretty quickly again. The diamorphine seemed to wear off and my contractions were still seriously painful. I tried to keep it together infront of the midwife, but as she left I kept breaking down infront of Kane, assuring him I wouldn't be able to do it! Luckily though I had begun to dilate, and I tried to get through every second with gas and air (a little too much I've been told, the midwife had to tell me off for constantly sucking on it even when I wasn't contracting!) I'm not sure how far gone I was at this point, but I remember feeling my body start to push. It felt like the most uncontrollable urge, and being told I wasn't ready yet and to stop by my midwife was so difficult, because I really felt like it wasn't me controlling the pushing, and I just had to try my best to breathe through it. This happened for about half an hour until I was finally told I'd reached 10cm, and I could start pushing.

Man, this was hardwork. I remember being so hot and sweating like crazy, and having my hair absolutely everywhere as I tried to make every contraction count and push as hard as I could. I was being reassured by my midwife I was doing so well, but unfortunately A just wasn't for shifting. It is harder to push a back to back baby out, but not impossible, so I tried for an hour and a half, but got told her head was just being compressed and swelling up, she wasn't budging further down at all, so I got given two options; a ventouse suction cap on A's head to help her move along the birth canal easier, or forceps. We tried ventouse first which was unsuccessful, and then I was off to the theatre for a forceps delivery.

I felt pretty deflated at this point as I really didn't want to have any sort of assistance with my labour, but I was just so exhausted I knew there wasn't really any option. I'd only been in active labour around six hours, but how often and strong my contractions were had really taken it out of me. Once of the worst pains was trying not to push as I contracted whilst the doctors administered a spinal block ready for my delivery. Unlike an episiotomy, a spinal block is required for forceps as if it's unsuccessful, you'll be getting a caesarean section immediately. The spinal kicked in pretty much immediately, and I felt completely numb from the waist down. I actually remember seeing my legs up in stirrups and wondering how they got there, because I was convinced they were still on the bed!

There were doctors and nurses everywhere, and I was told they'd be starting to try and help me deliver A soon. I was told you only get three contractions to get baby out, so to really try as hard as I could to push with each contraction and the forceps would help guide her out. As my contraction started I remember gripping onto Kane's and my midwives arms which were around my chest, and hoping I was pushing with all my might, although it's quite hard to know when you're numb from the waist down! Luckily I seemed to do okay, and within two contractions she was here. Everything went a little quiet as she was popped on my stomach, until a few seconds later when she let out a little wail. I remember immediately crying; I just couldn't believe she was finally here, after a long pregnancy and difficult labour, I was beginning to wonder whether she was ever going to make an appearance. She was so beautiful, her poor little face and head were badly bruised but she was just perfect, and I could spot immediately that she took after her Mama, sharing my chubby cheeks, turned up nose and cupids bow lips.

She was whisked off pretty quickly whilst I sobbed into Kane, so happy that she had arrived safe and sound, after everything. She was checked over and came through all her tests fine, and so off we went to the recovery room. She had a few more tests in there, and I could finally ask my midwife if I could breastfeed her. Part of my birth plan was that I wanted a natural birth, with skin to skin and breastfeeding as soon as possible after the birth, so having had a relatively traumatic birth and diamorphine, I was a little nervous it might effect her, but she took to it like a pro. As soon as her little body was placed on mine, she started rooting and found my boobie, latched on and we nursed for around half an hour. 

And that's how it's been ever since! I kid, I kid, we do spend more time doing things other than just feeding, but she is a hungry little girl and does seem to enjoy being attached to her Mama every couple of hours. But she is honestly just perfect, she's such a good baby and we're finally getting into a routine during our days. Breastfeeding was hard at first, it's difficult adjusting to never really being able to be completely alone because you have a tiny person dependent solely on you. But that's a whole other post, I'll probably update again soon with a whole post about breastfeeding and what I've learnt so far as a new Mum. 

I don't think I've ever really cried happy tears until Ada arrived. I look at her and I can't believe Kane and I managed to create such a beautiful little girl; I love her being a squishy little baby, and I'm so excited to see what the future holds, and what sort of girl she'll turn into. 

Thank you for reading, if you got this far! 

2016 Goals

I know it's the cliche first sentence of most blog posts about the new year, but I honestly can't believe it's 2016 already! 2015 was a strange year for me; in April I found out I was pregnant, and whilst I wasn't expecting it, it was a very pleasant surprise! December welcomed my Ada and rounded off the year in the best way possible, but the rest of it was a struggle. I look back on my pregnancy quite positively now (I actually even miss it, despite telling those who assured me I would they couldn't be more wrong!) but I know throughout it was difficult. The awful sickness and rest of the horrible symptoms I suffered with left me finding it hard to get up out of bed and work, let along anything else, so I was absent online for most of the year. Aside from that I finally passed my driving test, turned 25 and took a few little trips away with family, but most of the year was spent pretty much as a recluse.

2016 is going to be a good year, I can just feel it. Of course my very top priority is being the best possible mother to Ada, who I'll be giving a full introduction to soon, as well as sharing my birth story. She's honestly a wonderful little baby; she rarely fusses, she has little signs of telling us she's hungry or needs a nappy change so we can get that sorted without so much as a little wail most of the time. She sleeps well, loves feeding (which took a little getting used to at first, incredibly sore boobies!) and when she wakes is happy just staring at our faces. I want her to love reading and music, I want her to develop her Dad's confidence and social side, rather than my introverted nature and anxiousness, and overall grow up as a happy baby. It's not always as easy as I make out, and sometimes I do get a little frustrated but she's already brought so much joy into my life, I just want to be able to return that back to her.

When I can manage to, I want to be able to make the most of what spare time I do have to work. April will mark six years of opening my little Ebay store, and whilst I've always made enough to get by, sometimes it is just that; enough to get by. Enough to pay for the house, bills, and put a bit of food on the table, but of course I want more than that, especially now I have Ada. I want to be able to take little trips away, go on holidays more often and have some savings, for the just in case moments. If business does go well I'd love to look at having a little stall somewhere like Bygone Times in Eccleston or The Vintage Emporium in Stockport, as well as doing a lot of fairs around the North. 

I want to get back on track with my blog, and whilst it won't be the daily posting it used to be, I'm hoping to get at least a couple posts up a week. I'll obviously be introducing a few motherhood topics into the mix, as well as the usual interiors, beauty and lifestyle posts you're used to. I'd also like to get back into shape; the one positive thing about my horrible morning sickness was that I lost a stone in the first few months of pregnancy, meaning after I'd given birth I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Breastfeeding is helping me slowly get the weight off, and last time I weighed myself I was four pounds down, which I'm really happy with. Of course I'm still covered in stretch marks with a jelly belly, but I'm giving myself the length of my pregnancy to hopefully sort that out!

Happy new year everyone! Do you have any goals for 2016?